Ever since I started on this journey, I knew it was going to be an ongoing process of learning and growing. What I did not know is the unexpected ways in which I would be pushed and stimulated to grow into my being. Because, you know, it is not only and always in big events that lessons come to us. They also come in small packages of every day experiences and how they trigger yet another part of an old belief that still needs a little bit of work. I discovered that the opportunities to grow are everywhere, in every aspect of life, and it's up to us to see and recognize them. Once the seed of the journey towards your true self has been planted, it will continue to grow and push its way into the light. And I know that even if sometimes I feel like I am stuck and not going anywhere, I am still learning and expanding.
Over the past couple of months I have experienced many moments of growth that were disguised as shadows and fears. Moments where I thought I was going backward instead of forward on my journey. Moments of being stuck in the mud of my old beliefs. The magic of it was that as soon as I remembered the essence of who I really am, I could see that the mud was really just a shallow puddle of murky water. That instead of being stuck, I had the opportunity to remove some more dirt and make the water clearer. It was up to me whether I was going to embrace the opportunity to learn some more, or whether I was going to hold on to the idea that I was stuck in the mud.
These old beliefs that have been presenting themselves again in many aspects of my life during this time of isolation were the deeply rooted ones that I have been working on for many years. "I am not good enough" and "I need to be in control to be safe" popped up and created emotional upheaval. Because of the isolation and basically nothing else to do, I had no more excuses to not start posting my videos and this blog, bringing up my old fears of being judged. And then there was the fact of me definitely not being in control over the situation we suddenly found ourselves in, making me feel vulnerable and unsafe. My emotions were as volatile as the stock market and I was looking for safety in my favorite comfort foods. Yes, I definitely felt as if I was going backward.
But, because of the many years that I have been on this journey, I know that every experience in life is meant to lead us into growth and expansion. I know that sometimes a lesson may feel like going backward or being stuck, but that in reality it is a big step forward. If we are willing to allow the lesson to come to us. And yes, sometimes it takes a bit of time before we can see the lesson and the opportunity it brings, but that's OK. The most important part is knowing that every day, in every single experience there is the gift of learning something new about who we are in this life.
Over the past few weeks I received the gift of shedding a few more pieces of these old and deep beliefs, allowing me to grow a bit further into the essence of who I really am. The only thing I had to do was find the courage to look at the shadows, bring them into the light of opportunity, and learn.