Two very important words in our lives: yes and no. Two words that are very often used carelessly and without reflecting what we really want to say. I know that for most of my life I would very often say yes to people where I actually wanted to say no, and I would say no to opportunities where my heart was actually yearning to say yes. Do you recognize this?
My fake yes was mostly born out of a need to be accepted and loved. I was convinced that people would like me more if I would give them what they wanted. And underneath that need there was of course the fear of being abandoned and unloved. This yes was causing emotions of resentment, anger, and powerlessness. My fake no was definitely rooted in a deep fear of the unknown. This no was causing emotions of sadness, judgment, and regret. I guess you can say that fear was dictating how I was responding to people and opportunities. I was not only limiting myself, but even more importantly hurting myself. My yes and no were miles away from my true yes and no. In fact they were so far removed that I did not even know where and how to access my true yes and no.
It was on my journey of becoming me, during a retreat, that I discovered the fullness and beauty of my true yes and no (full story in The Taste of Becoming Me/The Taste of Yes and No). Well, I can tell you that it was a deeply emotional experience causing a tremendous shift in my reality. I discovered my voice and my ability to feel the response that was born from my true self instead of dictated by fear.
My true yes opens up a world of possibilities,and abundance, always guiding me into expanding myself and giving me the fullest experience of life. This yes creates emotions of joy, excitement, and love. My true no teaches me to respect my boundaries and is a valuable guide in breaking down old beliefs and stories that were fueling my fears. This no creates emotions of strength, respect, and freedom.
That being said, even though I know what my true yes and no feel and look like, there are still times when the path is not completely clear. Moments when my true yes and no are playing hide and seek with my mind. After so many years of being in control over my yes and no, my mind is not always so keen on handing over the reins. It tries to convince me to say yes to people so that I cannot be hurt or accused of being selfish. It tries to persuade me to say no to opportunities that might involve failure or my feeling inadequate, judged even. And sometimes I fall for it, and that's OK. Most important is that I know the difference and that I can always find my way back to my true yes and no.