These days I am very often reminded of the famous saying by Lao Tzu "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings". We are saying goodbye to the world we knew, so that we can step into a new beginning for all of humanity. And yes, it is painful. Saying goodbye is hard, especially if we don't know what is waiting for us. We see the door, but we don't know what is on the other side. Some of us may not even see the door, but only a dark and impenetrable wall. And being in the dark is scary and confusing. Finding the door, seeing the door and stepping through it, requires faith. Faith in ourselves, trusting our knowing that something amazingly beautiful is waiting on the other side of that door. Yeah, sounds good, I know, but not so easy if the only thing you see is a wall and the world crumbling around you.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I saw my whole life crumbling in front of my eyes. There was nothing but a wall of fear and uncertainty. It was painful. I did not want to say goodbye to my life as I knew it. It was a good life. Why would it have to change. I did not see the door. I only experienced pain and resistance. But, you know, it only took one small flash light, handed to me by people that appeared on my path, to see the outline of a door in the small beam of light. And as the door became more and more visible and eventually slightly opened, I felt my whole experience shifting. My life was not ending. I was being offered an opportunity to step into the life that I was meant to live. A life of freedom, of love and happiness, no longer held back by the heavy burden of beliefs and stories that I was carrying. The only thing I had to do was step through the door. Still, easier said than done. I had to come to terms with change, with the unknown, with me not being in control. Step by step I walked through that door to find my new beginning and it was more than I ever could have imagined. I learned that the pain is caused by holding on to what we know and that joy is found in embracing the new.
And now, I am presented with another door to walk through, just like all of you. We are all offered a new beginning. And again, I experienced resistance and pain, until I remembered... I remembered that my pain and confusion was caused by my holding on to the life that I knew and loved. I remembered that the door of a new beginning is a gateway of love, an invitation to grow and expand. I remembered that my resistance was just part of the process of stepping through that door. It was my mind trying to keep me safe and nothing appears more safe than the familiar world on this side of the door (even when it is crumbling). And once I remembered, it was easier for me to reconnect with my knowing that this new beginning is leading us to a more balanced, deeply connected world.
I am stepping through the door now and even if once in a while my steps falter because I am longing for my old attachments, I keep going in my knowing that this is not an ending, but a wonderful new beginning.