The Essence of Being Me is creating space in a world that seems to have shrunken
As I dive deeper into the discomfort that has been present within me over the past few weeks, I notice how certain old stories and beliefs seem to be a very persistent part of my life. These are the beliefs that have been with me from a very young age and that are tangled with the core of my existence. I have been peeling through layers and layers of these beliefs and it seems that now is the time to peel back another layer. The extreme situation we have landed in has triggered some of these core beliefs and being the faithful guards they are, they sprung right into action. They immediately put up their shields and raised their swords to protect me. I know they mean well, they have been with me for so long, but the fact is that it is exactly their shields and swords that create the tightness in my chest.
One of these beliefs that immediately felt attacked in this new world we are living in, is that my freedom can be taken away from me. After years of inner work and stepping into my power, I was very surprised, ticked off to be honest, to have this believe staring me in the face again. For a moment I was tricked into resisting the experience. For a moment I was tricked into blaming myself for failing, for not being strong enough. For a moment...
Until I heard this voice from deep inside of me whispering: "this is your opportunity to grow even more into the essence of who you are. You are limitless and your freedom is untouchable." I felt the shields and swords dropping and space being created. I remembered that my true freedom lives inside of me and can never ever be taken away. I stepped into that wide open space and saw what was real: I am healthy and able to go on walks every day. Technology allows me to connect with all the people I love every day. I am grateful for the food I can cook and the glass of wine I get to enjoy. The birds are singing and new life is popping up everywhere around me. There is beauty, there is love and there is space. Breathe...
Ever since I was a child I have been living with the fear of small spaces, of confinement, of not being able to breathe. A fear carried by stories and beliefs from my past. Of course it makes sense that in the whirlwind of change that we are moving through, this fear would pop up again. As I wrote last week, all my habitual anchor points are gone and my mind is now roaming free and leading me into every dark nook and cranny of myself. And then it is up to me to take everything that I learned and shine its light into those dark corners. It is up to me to accept this moment of growth. It is up to me to embrace and love what I find so that the last remnants of that fear can be carried away on the winds. The only thing I have to do is to step into the space of my essence and see what is real and what is just a story. And as I dive deeper into my discomfort, I honor the stories and beliefs that are hiding there and I set them free. I no longer need their protection.
It may seem like the world has shrunken, but when I am standing in that wide open space it shows me very clearly that the possibilities are limitless.